Movie Review: Marry Me for Christmas – 11 Points
Another Ammo movie…
Are they colleagues? Is she his boss? Why are they at one of their houses?
Oh my god, these women should not be on the phone to each other
What a bombshell, jesus christ
OH wow, so she actually avoids her whole family because she gets in the shit about something? Someone needs to take their parents to therapy
Dang Adam, you good
Do they live together??
Ohhh OK, so I thought this was a “boss forces employee into fake fiance” situation but this is a “no one can get a word in edgeways while mamma assumes she knows everything” situation
I am slightly less icked out by that, ONLY SLIGHTLY
It’s a christmas cult, that’s what it is
Oh my god these girls need to slow down
GET SOME SPINE MARCIE
Poor Adam, he’s gonna have PTSD from this
Oh my god, poor boy, the panic
She should apologise and FIX IT FOR HIM
Oh damn, her mum’s sick and she’s gonna have to keep the lie up
“Getting married and having babies has always been a big deal to us” It’s a big deal to 90% of your generation girl
And also if you say “other families it’s about money, education, sports” then are you willfully telling the audience that children are more important than education?
I mean, I suppose we’re not supposed to be sympathising with these ladies, but still, what a message
“Family tradition” having babies – literally that’s how you get families, with the tradition of having babies
And if that’s the case, why are there so few in Marcie’s generation?
Oh no Adam, don’t listen to this woman, and don’t decide to marry her for her business
Oh my god what is this movie even about really
What the fuck, is Adam sketchy? He seems kind sketchy, who is he on the phone to?
Who’s this dude?
“The Chandler Women” such a cult name
Is this the guy who put pudding in her hair?
Why are you here then mate? Why are you out with the Chandler men on the Great Christmas Tree Hunt?!
Who’s Preston? Why does this guy have beef with everyone!??! AND IF HE HAS BEEF WITH EVERYONE WHY IS HE HERE?!!?!?!
Adam is sketchy, he seemed like such a cool dude
DUDE WHY WOULD YOU FRAME IT AS A SURPRISE FOR HER
WHEN IT’S A MAN SHE HATES
Oh god, this movie is so hard to watch
What the fuck is Blair’s problem? I happen to know they end up together but he’s a dick! And not in the “cab-stealing selfish jerk” way, or the “trading barbs slightly flirty” way
He’s just a straight up dick
HE INVITED SOMEONE ELSE TO HIS FRIEND’S BREAKFAST!? (He called it dinner but it’s breakfast)
WHAT THE FUCK
What the fuck is wrong with that woman that she would do that in someone else’s house?!
Adam, I am so betrayed by you
“I’m glad your agency flopped” coooould have said it better but now we understand a) why he works for Marcie and b) what his sketchiness is all about
Why are they so mad at her for having a career? Oh right, because she should be having babies
Cultcultcultcultcultcult
Oh they’ve only known each other a couple of months? Oop
I’m so mad right now that she’s gonna end up with Blair, at 30 minutes (1/3rd of the movie) he should be having his redemption arc right about now
Seriously not a lot of babies for a baby cult
Wait, so they went on the Christmas tree hunt yesterday, got back after dark yesterday and STILL don’t have a tree?! What the fuck
I don’t think it’s bad to not remember your girlfriend’s childhood dog’s name
Why is Blair such a bastard?!
Oh wow, they’re just bad at finding trees
Oh damn Adam, you sketchy but Blair deserves it honestly
Frankie you’re the worst
Charlene is certainly a bitch, oh I just wanna punch Blair in the face
Adam has the same taste in cars as my mum – I don’t know what to do with that information but now we all know it
I feel a bit bad for marcie, but yeah, I could fully imagine that her mum being a nagging manipulative cow could be a reason she didn’t come home on holidays
Why’s he following her?
Yeah, call him on his shit Marcie
Oh his family/parents are dead I guess
“When you didn’t call I didn’t think you knew” YOU GUYS HATE EACH OTHER WHY WOULD SHE CALL YOU!?
So…who found the tree!? It’s a whole plot line who found it!?
Oh, here’s the other one he has beef with
What was that about a contract?
Oh no Adam, undermining!
WHO WON THE TREE THING!??!!?
Why wait until after christmas? Just let the girl apologise now? Whut
God this fucking woman, stop nagging your fucking kid
Adam being so sliiiiiimy
Can I watch a movie without a slimeball in it please?
Mistletoe has white berries Frankie, that’s holly you got there
Jeez Blair what is your *deal*
Also, these chandler women are full of themselves
BLAIR OMFG
Marcie, why would you not give the point to Adam?
Also, just because the story was wrong doesn’t mean that hot dogs aren’t her favourite food – two points to adam, blair you big twat
BLAIR WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
Nicely done Adam
I know that he’s scummy but Blair is getting on my nerves
Does Judy know it’s Christmas, come on, you shouldn’t be asking anyone for anything right now what the fuck
Marcie is surrounded by fuckballs
We are over halfway and Blair has not redeemed himself, I’m sorry, a dead parent and being a nice-guy attorney don’t make you not a dickhead
Nor do they give you a pass
BECAUSE YOU’RE A DICK
You’re still a dick Blair
Does everyone know she can’t sing?! Or is this new? Is it a bit?
What is this….
Is Blair just gonna win Marcie over because she is gutted by Adam being a dick?
Aha, he overheard
OH So Blair and Preston hate each other because Preston represents a scummy company and Preston dropped said scummy company in Marcie’s lap
Well at least that makes sense
Adam’s true colours come out
Owe you? She fucking pays you
WHAT?!
WHAT!? SHE ALREADY KNEW HE WAS SCUMMY?!?!!?
I’m so mad
What a dick omfg
You can’t take a cobbler on a plane with you
Gloating in a cemetery ain’t cool
We’ve got less than 10 minutes left for the flirty banter to start
Also, we have seen BARELY ANY DANA this whole movie and it was the whole reason
AND WHO WON THE CHRISTMAS TREE THING!?
Sawdust in your eyes?! What the fuck?!
So romantic…
Girl you cannot just ask him straight up if he likes you
WHY IS CHARLENE HERE?!
Mate what did you expect to happen?
WHAT!? HOW CAN YOU ALWAYS HAVE LIKED HIM!? WHAT?!
I had to do that thing where you pause the movie to look at something else because the cringe/rage is TOO MUCH
WHAT THE FUCK!?
HOW DOES THAT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE SHE THOUGHT HE HATED HER< SHE’S BEEN SAYING THIS WHOLE TIME SHE DIDNT LIKE HIM WHAT THE FUCK IM SO MAD
Fuck off
Just
Fuck off
Fucking salsa fucking lesson
Fuck off
THEN WHY DID YOU GIVE HER SUCH HARD TIME WHEN SHE FIRST GOT HOME
Fuck off
As you may be able to tell… I didn’t like this movie. I cannot in good conscience recommend it. I had planned, before I watched it, to watch what I thought was a trilogy. Now I’ve watched, and now I know there’s five movies in the series, I cannot do that to myself.
Love,
Salixa
