Harvest Moon – 20 points

Harvest Moon is a Hallmark movie from 2015, now available on Netflix. I live commented about it to my friend and it was partly the inspiration for starting this blog. Without further ado, here are my unedited comments to my friend:

Watching a holiday movie – a “harvest” holiday movie

called Harvest Moon about a shopaholic who goes broke and has to live on a pumpkin farm but finds romance along the way

updates forthcoming

Thus far: terrible acting

good old fashioned feet shots to show how impractical her shoes are (see also: Leap Year)

8 minutes in and we have met the hunk

sob story AND a dead parent by 11:£3

hunk has a seemingly non-speaking daughter

second dead parent

hunk’s mother AND wife are both dead

jaysus

hunk watches our girl fail to countryside

18 minutes in and we have guilt about selling the house plus the hearty declaration and that she does not like him, never will and cares nothing for his life and livelihood

full expecting there will be something in the deeds that say “owner must live on farm for one month before allowing it to sell” or some such bullshit

aha: “I can’t just give myself a makeover to feel better… I know! I’ll give the farm a makeover”

*smashes open piggy bank full of 100 dollar bills”

ahahaha

“let’s all fix this place up so I can sell it for more money, but!! I made it so you get to live here as employees forever

let’s start now, I own the place so I think it’s cool if I stay with you in the house that is yours but I own”

27 minutes: hunk is slightly stunned and sparks might nearly be flying

hunk’s daughter says prayers and asks to bless “mommy who is in heaven” yet also prompts daddy to think about our girl in a romantic way

“I get up early, I do 9am yoga”

hunk puts our girl to a strenuous ridiculous task

she breaks the thing she is supposed to be checking for breaks: an irrigation pipe

hunk laughs at her ridiculousness

hunk’s parents and wife all died in the same car accident – how neat

our girl plays whale music over the sound of actual animals

our girl somehow knows country dancing and teaches it to younger brother so he can get the girl

halfway through there are actual sparks

our girl uses her selfie stick as pumpkin planter

does a dance, boys laugh at her and watch

second sparks but then she’s done something and he’s upset about stuff and he tells her to go home

ahhh, she ran over his dead wife’s flowers

now he’s being butthurt at his brother

hunk thought our girl was into his little brother and was being a jerk about it

romantic horse ride in the rain

they kiss dead on the hour mark

our girl is giving facials to all the countryside women in town

aha, the spanner in the works is about to happen

heartbroken small child may fix all

ah it’s OK, magic voodoo farm and face cream means she gets money again

oh, and I guess she gets back together with the hunk

well that was awful

I mean, it was cheesy and cutesy and ridiculous

it wasn’t bad

That was Harvest Moon you guys!

Love,

Salixa

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