Harvest Moon – 20 points
Harvest Moon is a Hallmark movie from 2015, now available on Netflix. I live commented about it to my friend and it was partly the inspiration for starting this blog. Without further ado, here are my unedited comments to my friend:
Watching a holiday movie – a “harvest” holiday movie
called Harvest Moon about a shopaholic who goes broke and has to live on a pumpkin farm but finds romance along the way
updates forthcoming
Thus far: terrible acting
good old fashioned feet shots to show how impractical her shoes are (see also: Leap Year)
8 minutes in and we have met the hunk
sob story AND a dead parent by 11:£3
hunk has a seemingly non-speaking daughter
second dead parent
hunk’s mother AND wife are both dead
jaysus
hunk watches our girl fail to countryside
18 minutes in and we have guilt about selling the house plus the hearty declaration and that she does not like him, never will and cares nothing for his life and livelihood
full expecting there will be something in the deeds that say “owner must live on farm for one month before allowing it to sell” or some such bullshit
aha: “I can’t just give myself a makeover to feel better… I know! I’ll give the farm a makeover”
*smashes open piggy bank full of 100 dollar bills”
ahahaha
“let’s all fix this place up so I can sell it for more money, but!! I made it so you get to live here as employees forever
let’s start now, I own the place so I think it’s cool if I stay with you in the house that is yours but I own”
27 minutes: hunk is slightly stunned and sparks might nearly be flying
hunk’s daughter says prayers and asks to bless “mommy who is in heaven” yet also prompts daddy to think about our girl in a romantic way
“I get up early, I do 9am yoga”
hunk puts our girl to a strenuous ridiculous task
she breaks the thing she is supposed to be checking for breaks: an irrigation pipe
hunk laughs at her ridiculousness
hunk’s parents and wife all died in the same car accident – how neat
our girl plays whale music over the sound of actual animals
our girl somehow knows country dancing and teaches it to younger brother so he can get the girl
halfway through there are actual sparks
our girl uses her selfie stick as pumpkin planter
does a dance, boys laugh at her and watch
second sparks but then she’s done something and he’s upset about stuff and he tells her to go home
ahhh, she ran over his dead wife’s flowers
now he’s being butthurt at his brother
hunk thought our girl was into his little brother and was being a jerk about it
romantic horse ride in the rain
they kiss dead on the hour mark
our girl is giving facials to all the countryside women in town
aha, the spanner in the works is about to happen
heartbroken small child may fix all
ah it’s OK, magic voodoo farm and face cream means she gets money again
oh, and I guess she gets back together with the hunk
well that was awful
I mean, it was cheesy and cutesy and ridiculous
it wasn’t bad
That was Harvest Moon you guys!
Love,
Salixa
